Interview session with ‘The UNFAKEABLE Code®’ author Tony Jeton Selimi.
Born in 1969 in the town of Gostivar, Republic of Northern Macedonia, Tony J. Selimi went from living homeless and penniless to being an internationally recognised TEDx speaker, award-winning author, self-made multi-millionaire, and cognition expert specialising in human behaviour, emotional intelligence, and leadership excellence.
CEO’s, global leaders, Hollywood A list celebrities, and people from all professions consult with him to get unstuck, unleash their magnificence, excel in all critical areas of life, and live fulfilled, authentically and freely on their terms.
Tony chatted with us about what it means to live an authentic life. Are you tired of hiding behind a mask? Do you wish to regain control of your own narrative? Then look no further: Tony teases some of the tricks from his new book and also provides insight into what’s next for him.
We are born authentic, but we’ve learned to be fake; why do we do this?
Throughout the history of humans, as a conscious species; storytelling, that is essential to our survival and thriving, has played a crucial role in passing on information from generation to generation. As part of this process, we tend to inherit our parents’ and other people’s beliefs, values, thought patterns, lies, truths, and ways of being, doing and thinking. The world we live in today is no longer the world our ancestors knew thousands of years ago. We live in a more dynamic, demanding, fast-paced, technologically advanced and uncertain world. Unfortunately, our ‘reptilian brain’, which is responsible for our fight, flight or freeze response, still behaves as it did in the stone age.
Furthermore, due to the fear of being abandoned, alone and unwanted, many people learn countless coping mechanisms that may be useful in a specific life moment when they are afraid, judged, feel guilt, shame or are threatened. But, if those protective mechanisms are not addressed; over time, they end up becoming the very chains that keep us enslaved by self-deception, lopsided perceptions and transient people pleaser personas. These and many other factors force millions, if not billions, to live fake and inauthentic lives.
What are some of the consequences of hiding behind the ‘mask’?
Every decision, every choice, and every life experience that follows, as a result, can either destroy or improve our mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, relationship, social, financial or business/professional life. Our physiology depends on us living our best life. When we fear that we can’t think and act as we indeed are, we put parts of ourselves on hold.
Other people’s expectations of us drive our daily choices and decisions. Our mental health deteriorates, our relationship with ourselves and others becomes toxic. We are prone to addiction, anxiety, depression, and our wants and needs to seek short-term pleasures. Our professional life becomes mundane; we feel demotivated, stressed and tend to procrastinate more. The list goes on.
In your expert opinion, what is authenticity, and why living an ‘authentic life’ matters?
To see reality as it is, we must change the instrument we use to investigate existence – our inauthentic self. Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who you think you are supposed to be and embracing who you are – unfakeably unique. It is an intrinsic trait that guides us to be in alignment with our ever-evolving hierarchy of values. Living authentically requires us to evolve beyond our transient persona’s egoic preferences and attachments to experience new dimensions of ourselves. Living an authentic life is crucial to every aspect of our lives. We are taught to see reality as we are and not as it is. The most remarkable people in history are the ones who can authentically combine their mind, their body, their heart, and their soul to produce extraordinary value and results for others.
When thousands of clients who I have coached and mentored describe what they feel living an authentic life is, they define it by either reconnecting to something they think they have lost, or a life driven by purpose derived by their ever-evolving voids and respective emerging authentic values. This is music to many of my client’s ears, not because I am some cruel-hearted coach, but simply because it means that they know that I can get them to the right place to do some kick-ass work on getting them what they desire and value. One of my work’s critical missions is to help people discover, connect and embrace the ‘why’; and by this, I’m essentially talking about a reason for feeling appreciated and validated, an explanation for being loved, a reason why they are on this earth, and a reason for evolving their sense of purpose. When I’m not feeling true to myself or the people I want to be working and socialising with, I know myself that I start feeling out of sorts, anxious, resentful, kind of icky, and just not right. I know that something needs adjusting.
For many people, the lockdown has been detrimental, but somehow you found the inspiration to write a book in the middle of the pandemic. What inspired you?
The power of authenticity is extraordinary. It is one of the most critical ingredients in creating a sustainable future, co-loving relationships and an inspired destiny humankind can look forward to. One of the many things that the Corona Pandemic highlighted for us all is how something so microscopic could have a macroscopic impact, to the point that it closed borders, businesses, people and economies.
If we take the same analogy and apply it to our psychology, a similar negative butterfly effect is created when our transient fake personas freely run our psychology. According to scientific research, we think 75,000 thoughts a day. Of those, 85% are negative. With time, those thoughts like the Corona Virus shuts our immune systems down, creates low self-confidence, weakens our will, intuitions, and optimism. It makes us physically and emotionally ill, frustrated, stressed, powerless and resentful towards others and ourselves, in the worst-case scenarios.
As the world starts to re-open, millions, if not billions, of people will need help. I wrote The Unfakeable Code® to help as many people as I can to navigate change and uncertainty with authenticity leading the way. I felt called-upon to share the principles I used with thousands of clients from all professional backgrounds, to successfully dissolve the various transient persona’s emotional charges concerning psychological or physiological experiences, and to empower my clients to take back control and liberate themselves from life-long conditioning and co-dependency.
What could have happened that you found yourself living a life that doesn’t feel right?
I felt as if my life had lacked authenticity throughout my life and that I wasn’t being appreciated, loved and known for all that I knew I was. I was born in a culture where abuse, inequalities and conforming to other people’s expectations of you was considered normal. What others saw on the outside didn’t reflect how I felt on the inside. The same applied to my parents, sisters, brother, family, friends and the broader societal community. I became so focused on what I believed other people, society, and the culture I grew in wanted me to be, that I ignored how I felt on the inside and what I wanted on the outside.
Eventually, after years of facing adversity after adversity, bullying, judgments, fears, sexual abuse and life threats, I realised that I was living a life that no longer felt true to me. Having contemplated suicide on many occasions, eventually, I concluded that I was missing an essential part of what made me who I am, through a lot of coaching and healing work. My life lacked authenticity. That realisation prompted me to make changes in my life, invest a lot of money, energy, and time to learn various life disciplines and find answers to life’s greatest mysteries. Many of those changes that followed centred around prioritising my values, truth, callings and the impact I wanted to make on the world.
So, what happens when we open ourselves up to living authentically? Is our sense of purpose likely to become more transparent?
The truth is most people’s authenticity gets lost in day-to-day life. Life becomes complicated, and just like I did, many of the clients who I have helped found themselves in an ongoing struggle to manage everyday life, such as caring for their loved ones, kids, spouse, and parents and meeting their work and financial obligations, cooking meals, and doing all the things that keep our homes and lives functioning. Juggling the demands of day-to-day life is hard, really hard.
Because it is hard, we sometimes let our own needs slide. We take less care of ourselves in order to spend more time caring for those around us. It is wise to take care of ourselves too. If we don’t, we may wake up one day feeling empty, discouraged, and disappointed. Maybe a lot of people are there right now. I’ve been there too, and it’s an unhappy place to be. Opening ourselves to live more authentic lives brings us a revived sense of fulfilment, purpose and happiness.
How does The Unfakeable Code® five-step method help individuals and organisations?
Every human being lives according to a set of higher priority values. As a result, no two human being needs are the same. Thus, problems, solutions and conditions are specific to each one of us. So is the infinite potential we are born with. To reach that potential requires us to live according to a set of principles that can attend to our ever-evolving needs and wants that keep growing in parallel to the personal, professional and business aspirations we have for our lives.
Each of the five-principles is scientifically based and has proven to help people to deal better with anger issues, addictions, depression, gambling, identity crises, low self-esteem, low-self-confidence, low self-worth, managing stress, reducing negative self-talk, facing family problems, to name a few. I have clients who used the five principles of The Unfakeable Code® Method to find love, improve their career or transition from a professional career into running their own businesses, write a book, create products and services and learn how to transform their reality.
At the corporate level, I used the same principles I share in the book to clarify companies’ visions, missions and values and embed them in every part of their businesses, improve processes, productivity, performance, address conflicts, enhance communication models and motivate people. I have used the same five-step principles to improve cash flow and grow businesses through authentic partnerships, pitching and product innovation with some clients.
Are your characters fictional or are they inspired by someone you know?
Over the years, I learnt that sharing real-life stories from clients who I have coached and mentored makes such a difference to the reader. Why? Because they can relate their struggles to the battles and the transformation of the actual clients who I have helped. I am grateful to be coaching individuals and businesses who love sharing their coaching and consulting transformational stories to help others get unstuck, grow and live authentically and freely on their terms. Giving and receiving testimonials is essential to any business and all the people who are seeking a solution to their problems. It was precisely the idea to help others know more about my teachings that sparked the idea of co-creating the multi-award-winning documentary Living My Illusion -The Truth Hurts. People who want to know more can watch it on Amazon Prime.
Any special significance in the title?
Yes. Our brain is neuroplastic. It evolves, learns and grows through the ability of the neural networks in the brain to change through growth and reorganisation. Since I was a kid, I was obsessed with learning to program computers, and it was then that I realised that writing a fit for purpose computer code creates a memorable user experience.
Similarly, our mind has many codes, and if those codes are inefficient, corrupt, and old, our understanding of life becomes skewed. To be authentic and live an authentic life requires us to upgrade our psychology, minds, and codes, aligned with the experience we want to create for our lives. Because each life is authentic, an original and not a copy, I coined the term unfakeable. Thus, The Unfakeable Code title was created as a set of malleable principles to suit individual growth, empowerment and success needs.
You are a multi-award winning and #1 best-selling author of several books. Can you tell us a bit more?
I wrote the #1 Best-selling and multi-award-winning book A Path to Wisdom for people to have a timeless life manual that offers a road map that safely guides people through an inside out reflective journey to find and address the root cause of their physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, business, relationship and self-love, self-worthiness, and self-confidence issues that keep them out of the healthy natural state of inner balance they should be in.
Daily distractions prevent us from listening to the inbuilt ALARM our body uses to awaken us when something is wrong. This is what brings us many life adversities. It is the root cause of disease and creates the harmful side effects we observe in all layers of society. Each chapter is written in a way that empowers the readers to activate, advance, and accelerate their human and business potential, make a more significant contribution, and live a more balanced, healthy and peaceful life. It is a compelling book that brings together the best of many western and eastern practices into a unified methodology, TJSeMethod: ALARM®, that takes you on an inner and outer self-reflective journey to unravel your truth, wisdom and love.
Having travelled for two years worldwide to teach the book’s principles to help individuals and organisations get what they want, I noticed how loneliness silently affected people’s lives. I started to talk to people from all professions about loneliness and I researched the subject for over two years. I realised how loneliness, despite being present in every aspect of our reality, within ourselves, in the family, with friends, socially, and in business, was a taboo subject no one wanted to talk about.
To raise awareness of the toxic effect the loneliness epidemic was creating and to help people to fight against this virus of the modern age, I felt inspired to write my next book, #Loneliness, to share my client’s and my personal journey through loneliness. Readers are invited to explore the damaging scientific, psychological, emotional, spiritual, social, financial, and business impact of loneliness – a problem that has become an ironic epidemic in a more interconnected world than ever before.
Throughout the book, the lessons shared are there for readers to overcome adversity, anxiety, and stagnancy, that are probably blighting their lives. In a volume that received a Finalist Award in the 2016 International Book Contest and won the Book Excellence Award, the worldview developed here transcends science, dogma, and belief, giving readers a new way to break through loneliness, and reconnect with their truth, hearts knowing, oneness and divine within.
Do you have any other books in mind? What is next for you?
As an author, and as someone who overcame abuse, bullying, the atrocities of a civil war, homelessness, identity crises, relationship break ups, financial problems, the challenges of funding my education, climbing the corporate ladder and starting the entrepreneurial journey, I have accumulated a lot of life-transforming lessons that can be shared for the benefit of others.
One of the things that always fascinated me since I was a child was people who were geniuses, people like Nikola Tesla, Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates etc. Having published The Unfakeable Code®, I am now writing two books in parallel; The Unfakeable Genius® and A Path to Excellence® to help those whose inner knowing tells them that they are geniuses. Despite that knowing, their outer circumstances make them doubt and feel they are not.
I love to spend some days writing the one book and then write a bit more on the other book. It keeps me inspired, challenged and entertained, while I wait for the travel restrictions to be lifted so I can resume my global coaching, consulting, training and filming work. I am also creating authenticity tests, digital courses, meditations and an online educational platform.
Following the success of my first film project, the multi-award-winning Living My Illusion – The Truth Hurts documentary I co-created with my clients Joel and Timea Van der Molen, I am called-upon to create an even more purposeful and inspiring film and documentary content that supports the vision to infiltrate my teachings and science-based methods in education, business, leadership, healthcare and government institutions to elevate, positively impact and transform the lives of one billion People – thus indirectly supporting the accomplishment of the 17 UN development goals for the betterment of humanity.
Who can benefit from reading The Unfakeable Code®?
Anyone can benefit from this stress-reducing, conflict resolving, leadership activating, life fulfilling and heart-opening method and use it as the most crucial life-changing tool. It is ideal for:
- CEO’s, leaders, politicians, business owners, entrepreneurs, start-up owners.
- HR, communication, sales, marketing, and customer relations departments.
- Scientists, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, doctors, nurses, the NHS, and other health and well-being professionals and institutions.
- Life, business, leadership, executive and corporate coaches, financial specialists, mentors, healers, complementary therapists, personal trainers, consultants, and even international United Nations delegates and peace Ambassadors seeking to emerge as authentic individual and confident leaders in their field.
- Parents, professors, teachers, children and students, educational institutions, prison workers.
- Film producers, directors, actors, musicians and artists.
- Anyone curious to learn more about why living and loving authentically is the sincerest form of self-love and how it can help you to leave an immortal legacy.
How can people get in touch with you?
The best place to go to is my website, which is https://tonyselimi.com. People can learn more about what I can do to help them, their families and their businesses and they can connect with me on all of my social media profiles, and those who are ready to take action can book an initial consultation.
What one message do you have for your readers, fans, and people who want to make a more significant impact in the world?
No mask on the outside can hide the truth your authentic, genuine and unfakeable being knows, on the inside. It is wise to adopt The Unfakeable Code® principles to help you to learn to treat all mental activity equally and objectively, no matter what the topic is or how supportive specific thoughts appear in the moment. Always assume that the ego arising from your transient personas will be lurking in the background. Remember that being authentic is who you are, and that it asks of you to make it a daily conscious choice; and next time you find yourself thinking about being fake rather than being authentic, take a few deep breaths, refocus, return to the present, and embrace your unfakeable wholeness.
Thank you for the interview.
Title: “The UNFAKEABLE Code® – Take Back Control, Lead Authentically and Live Freely on Your Terms.”
Author: Tony Jeton Selimi
Plot: The UNFAKEABLE Code® offers a new and robust five-step methodology for business, personal or professional transformation. To live authentically, let objectivity be the lens through which you engage, interact and observe the reality – Tony Jeton Selimi.
Order your book here!
About the author
Born in 1969 in the town of Gostivar, Republic of Northern Macedonia, Tony J. Selimi went from living homeless and penniless to an internationally recognised TEDx speaker, award-winning author, self-made multi-millionaire, and cognition expert specialising in human behaviour, emotional intelligence, and leadership excellence. He co-created Living My Illusion documentary and pioneered several trademarked methodologies in human development to help other people reach their aspirations and dreams.
Entrepreneurs, CEO’s, global leaders, Hollywood A list celebrities, and people from all professions consult with him to get unstuck, unleash their magnificence, excel in all critical areas of life, and live fulfilled, authentically and freely on their terms. Organisations seek his expertise to boost productivity, performance, profits and overall employee wellbeing. He’s been featured on SKY, ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX reaching over 100 million people.
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